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i feel like nothing again
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| and the thing is, i do miss you...* |
[10 Feb 2004|04:27pm] |
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 sad |
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music |
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no music..oh dern |
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yes,we have pictures..thanks to perri..but helmer is teachin me how to do it too, so soon we will have more...but anyway,today was really really shitty..all my classes were lame and just so boring, i couldnt pay attention at all..and in spanish b.c we don't talk in english AT ALL, i was totally lost..but we did get grade sheets today and i have a 99%..probably the only thing that made me smile today..ha thats sad..so starting from last night,me and chris made up and everythings good again, im happy about that, b.c it was just not us fighting like we were..also i think everythings ok with me n leah..and me and christina wowowow, im on a role these days..the hate count is down to 0.amazing
..and yes that does include you,i don't hate you.
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| all the summer night spent wondering...* |
[09 Feb 2004|07:22pm] |
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mood |
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 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
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wow..more mest, whats goin on |
] |
hmm..well around 5:00 today, we did have pictures, but something went wrong.. =( soon again hopefully.lets review the day
1st-presented my psychology project SCORE 98! wooo
2nd-uh i have no clue
lunch-wow lunch is lame,i miss C lunch, it kicks A lunches ass
3rd- kyle sullivan and chris lee conversation (chinese lee)
kyle: "chris how big are you"
chris: "uh...5'2"
kyle: "wow that thing must be draggin on the floor, you use it as a cane or something"
hahahah it was the highlight of my day..vurrrrry funny
4th- 96 on my test hollllller..nothin happened
..damn jordans shaping up this semester *pat on back*
nick nap. is moving away from me n kait.. i guess the walkign to each others houses will come to an end..ooh damn..doug abused me again, he needs some anger management..out of control..me and kaitlyn are playin this mad fun game that we always play..i start and i say only one word and she has to match another word hho i say its a lot of fun.. and its a never ending game of one word answers that goes on for 2 hours sometimes..it gets intense haha.
pzzz kidss xoxo muaH
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| theres a time and place for everything...* |
[08 Feb 2004|10:36pm] |
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"i was best friends with her long enough to know she is going to fuck him and then hurt him"
AMEN TO THAT this is a golden opporunity to call her a slut bag whore with no friends...cough cough
^a comment i got in my previous entry..now i know its not only me..(referring to kristen)^
well, i slept until 1..which was awesome..because i was so exhausted from my whole day in general. uh, hung out around the house all day, then i went out with my family, and steph.. and we're walking back to the car from a restaurant and im walking ahead and all of a sudden my brother pulls a jackass move on me and rams into me and i go flying..he was running at full speed..this is the second time hes done it to me, the first time was at some carnival over the summer with jessi , and these 16 yr. old guys we met were standing there and he plows into me and they started laughin there asses off..so from now on, im walkin in the back.
so idk whats going on with chris..he imed me a few times today, but i didn't answer them..he read the last entry that was all about him..idk he's always always gonna be my best friend no matter what. and im always gonna love him as much as i do now..but idk..i don't wanna fight anymore
..i haven't talked to kristen in over a month and she ims me saying "im sorry i didnt mean to hurt you blah blah blah" then i find out she said what i wrote in here was gay. so wtf did all that bullshit mean then?? yeh kristen i know your fuckin reading this and i want you to know one fucking thing..FUCK YOU! you apologies dont mean fucking shit to me and you can shove them up your ass because your a backstabbing two faced heartless bitch. and your right.. we will NEVER be friends again.
tomorrow i'll most likely stay after with kait..ugh gotta finish this psychology project then its time for bed xoxo ilu pz kidds
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| waaaay tired...* |
[07 Feb 2004|08:32pm] |
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crushed |
] |
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music |
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im singing to myself..self-destruct-spinning images |
] |
today was a very very good day..kaitlyn came over around 1ish and we hung out all day, in my empty house and did some crazy shit..it was alot of fun because we haven't hung out in the longest time, because im gay and i work 24/7 and i really need to quit one of my jobs..uhh i tin-foiled her hair hahahha it was so amazing i wrapped strands of it in tin-foil and stuck them up in the hair..uhh she made me mad and brought over all of johnny's spinning images cd's..and the one that i want the most DNA which doesn't come until the 20th..=(..but she does owe me a burned cd,b.c i called johnny...soooo get crackin kait..we ordered lunch and had our own little picninc, where she chatted it up with my dog??..uh then we played lacrosse..uh i don't think i will be trying out this season although it is mighty fun to chuck the ball at her =)..we got cold, came inside..more johnny music..haha uh took some mad crazy picutres..and maybe someday if i figure out how to put them up here, you'll see em'.
thennnn i come inside and i talk to chris..and he always puts up with me and kaitlyn and all of the random crazy shit we say to him, b.c he knows im messin with him and that its all good and fun.. but then tonight i see in kristens profile "best bus ride eva 2/6/03 i love yu chris".. uh so then i ask him what happened and he says nothing.. so i get into a fight with him about it more and more and i just can't handle it anymore..i hardly ever get to see him these days and im suppose to be okay with the fact that he is replacing me with one of my old best friends??? well im not okay with it..and everytime i tell him he always asks me if i want him to end his friendship with kristen but im not going to say yes because i think that is very selfish..but i know her i was best friends with her long enough to know she is going to fuck him and then hurt him and hes gonna come running to me.. or there gonna go out or what not and then i just completely faded away from his life.. i know it bothers him as much as it bothers me because i can tell and his away messages..and he apologizes and shit..but i can't forgive him, he's become the one guy i've put complete trust in since piero, he's become my best friend and he knows this.. but i cannot handle kristen having the same thing as i have..b.c she knows thats the one thing that means the most to me, she knows how much i need him in my life and how much involved we are with each others lives, i tell him everything, things i don't even tell kaitlyn and raquel..because i know he will always give me an honest answer and he will always be there for me, won't judge me about anythign at all..im not saying that she is out to get me and destroy our friendship..but i know she wants me to fight with him, or else she wouldnt put shit like that in her profile..i mean i talk to some people and have great conversations with them..but im not gonna go put it somewhere where i know its gonna piss someone off and hurt them..but thats what she is doing..and i don't want to be mad at him i hate when i fight with him..im just so confused..i don't wanna loose my best friend again..i remember when my brother went to his other school and we were talking about it i told chris im gonna need a subsitute big brother now and he said to be "i aint no subsitute, i am your big brother"..its that part i miss the most..idk i guess we are not on speaking terms right now, but i love him and i always will...
pz xoxo
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| kaitlyn rocks my socks |
[07 Feb 2004|04:44pm] |
yay kaitlyns here and were taking pictures and gettin realli fat and listenin to music and taking more pictuers yay how fun!!!! ahh mike post just called me well i as in kaitlyn hmm jordan will update this later while i try to get her pics to appear on this thinger ttyl
<333
kaitlyn .n. jordan
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| tell me your secrets,ask me your questions...* |
[06 Feb 2004|09:55pm] |
today was the best day of my week..
1st-uh more of some gay project
2nd-who knows,me and april got like 5 points on a quiz by lying hah
lunch-nothing happened
3rd-kyle sullivan and i had a paper fight across the room, it was fun
4th-worked on a project with jeff..it was fun
..tonight,i stayed home and just hung out with myself,then i went to perri's around 7ish and got a hair cut and her mommy dyed her hair, but i dont think it came out..my hair is deff. .... different now, much. i likes lots. chris and i acually didn't fight tonight.it was nice..he was being a nice person and didn't piss me off..its all good..eh tomorrow im going to piscataway for my brother's county tourn. ..i haven't attend any other matches except 2 so,i guess i gotta go..sunday,ima dye my hair and mess wit it a bit, then possibly have some people over..it'll be good..
pz xoxo<3
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| and if i hurt you, then im sorry...* |
[05 Feb 2004|05:15pm] |
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 scared |
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-- |
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wow. today was another weird day..nothing really happened in school, nothing worth writting about..after school though..the car came back again..and now i know im not going crazy, my neighbor saw it too and watched the whole thing..i saw my little brother walk up to the front door so i opened it and i saw the car..meanwhile my neighbor, kim is unpacking her car across the street..she saw me looking at car weird so she watched it..as soon as they saw me, they stopped the car..when my front door shut the started driving again,thinking i went inside..but then they saw me sitting on my front porch and stopped again..i went inside to get my glasses and shoes to see if i could get the number..no luck..i watch it for 3 minutes..it turns around then does another turn in chris' driveway and stops at the entrance of my devolpment to see if i was still there..they saw me and zzoooomed away..this shit is gettin reallyyy freaky..tomorrow we'll see what happens.
this may be discountinued,b.c idk whos reading it or what not.we'll see.
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| and the night, we walked around, under the stars...* |
[04 Feb 2004|06:45pm] |
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mood |
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 energetic |
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music |
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the bank robbers-a chance worth taking |
] |
alriteyyy. today was interesting i guess..1st period, we went upstairs and did work on the computers..2nd,uh idk i slept..lunch,the past 2 days,if you were there you know what happened,im not spreading gossip on this shit..4th,uh nothing happened, although i do believe that pat is 1/2 mexican er something..after school i stayed after with kaitlyn and christina and lindsey smith. it was interesting we went into town..with kevin and zack too and sat at la piazza for a little..then me kait n christina walked back to school..me and christina we're jumpin in puddles try to get kait wet..it was alot of fun..i guess things between me and her are "cool"..not bffff but..cool,which is good..uh back at school me and lindsey had some bonding time since i don't get to talk to her all that much anymore..uhh then i came home, and i think some people are coming over tonight for madre..hm, then friday they are leaving me home alone again, and im not going to work..soo if you wish you may come over..b.c i'll be home alone and i don't wanna sit here by myself heh. TOMORROW IS MEGGIE GRACE FISHERS BIRTHDAY!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOO! ..texting countdown tonight =) its tradition..I FOUND MY PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =) =) =) =) heh it was in the car it fell between the seats..duhhhh ooh man im sucha idiot, it must have fel out of my hoodie when i went to go get my ortho app. card from the card last thursday.hahah ooh boy.im losing my mind.homework time.pzzzz
xoxo
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| wow what a fckin night |
[03 Feb 2004|09:32pm] |
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this was hands down the scarriest night of my life, this tops halloween and being chased by the cars, all the times in my backyard, in the woods...alrite i was home alone and im sitting on the computer and i look out the window and i see a white crappy car with its lights on sitting in front of my house, so just because im gay i go in the other room and watch tv..and call kaitlyn because i was scared already..im on the phone with kaitlyn and someone beeps in.."private"i pick it up and all i hear is breathing..so at this point im like crying because im so scared, so i call perri and she won't come over because she just as scared as i am so im pacing back and forth on and off the phone with raquel and kaitlyn and perri..meanwhile my line is ringing off the hook,non stop and i was too afraid ot pick it up, so its ringing and all im doing is pickign it up and hanging up,over and over again they call..then perri calls me and tells me jason rowe's gonna come over and check it out..so im on the phone and hes at perri's and i told them to come over, b.c my room line wouldnt stop ringing and i was shaking like a mofo..so as soon as i sed "perri and jason come over" the car turns on and drives away..no1 got in the car..so they get here and i throw the phone at them..it rings 3 more times..i pik it up once,perri,then jason..no answer..after they came over the car left..jason is me fricken idol,no doubt the nicest person i know, i never acually met him before and he drove here just to sit in my dinning room with me and perri for an hour..it was the scarriest thing that has ever happened to me
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| say goodbye,goodbye,my heart is empty like this parking lot we sit in...* |
[02 Feb 2004|06:04pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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runaway orange-heartache to heartache |
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hm,today was pretty good.1st..my teaches startes teacher at 8:30 so its not all that bad, but i have 3 projects for zoogly due this week.gay class gay class.2nd..wow that teacher is deff and idiot..3rd,foods.haha always a good class.lunch was interesting..leah must have had somehting wrong with her eyes b.c i thought i saw her give me some dirty looks today,idk maybe she should see an eye doctor,or i could fix them for her..there may be a bit of some drama tomorrow..just a bit,..hmm 4th was funnnny, taylor screams "SENORA!" so loud because konopka didn't give him a paper,lol good class....
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| wowowowoww |
[01 Feb 2004|11:23pm] |
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what a great weekend.best one in a long time..friday,worked until 9 then hit tammys for the night..that was a lot of fun..saturday we had people over here..broke some stuff..i think i will be forgiven tho..once i tell the parental until what it was tht i broke..uh sunday kicked ass..went to meggies for superbowl with kelsey sam sara laurie..wow some mad funny things went on there..priceless moment was sam holding on for her life to the ping-pong table and laurie pulling her and draggin the table with them..omfg it was hysterical..and then chasing sam around and tackling each other putting food in peoples pants ahahha wow. meggie AKA Ana did eat dinner, so laurie put that in your log and report it to the guidance cousler please. hahahaha. a whole bunch of other things too..it was a good night, best one in a long time..PATRIOTS WON! woot. tom brady is fuckin hot as hell, meg practically was humping the tv..then we watched a basketball video of meggies team VS lauries..and greg was in it..he got hit with the ball collapsed and cryed in his mommy's arm, ooh man it was hyseterical..exactly 7 years ago..wow..uh no1 won any money cept fish..10 dollars..overall,great night. uhhh this week i see some problems but idk..next weekend on sunday, im gonna have some people over..probably just the 3 regulars..brit fish and kait, hahah so fish and i gotta go food shopping. alrite well its 11 30 ..bed time nite kidds. . xoxo
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| the worst is over, but you can have the best of me...* |
[30 Jan 2004|03:26pm] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
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woooo.today was a eh day.1st period went really fast, still gaaay shit in that class..2nd, me and mike acaully got along, it was amazing, we had a real conversation and NO yelling..it was a kodak moment. lunch was ehhh, i miss kaitlyn and kenz it was kinda lame and crowded. 3rd, eric nutt is in my class now =), that class is gooooood.4th, spanish..good good, tho i don't understand a work that konopka is sayinggggg. tonight im working then probably going over to tammys and sleeping there woooo then i have a play date with kaitlyn tomorrow wooooooooooooooooooooooooo im very excited for that =) =) its been a while since we've had a date ..alrite so time to go get ready for work..xoxo muaH ilu
jordan
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| have a nice life. . . . . |
[29 Jan 2004|09:56pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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things changed. . . . . |
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i went on a trip down memory lane..i was cleaning my WHOLE room looking for my god damn cell phone and i came across 2 things..a aero. shirt that i wore on my brothers birthday, and later that night went to the clarksburg inn with perri and we were waiting for the shit we ordered and i saw steve there and for some reason i always remembered that i was wearing that shirt.and two, a note from him, wow it was like in memory of steve night..then i saw my 8th grade dance dress ..wow, pathedic..but it was a good night.. then i also came across 395092860928 notes from kaitlyn meggie christina kristen tammy from last year..i read them all..yeh and i would be able to read mine and raquels notebook but oh wait Aquino still has that from when she captured it last year..that was a very very sad day, i don't think i ever cried so much in school haha..so i found all this shit from last year, CRAZY pictures of...misc. things, but no fricken cell phone .. it seriously just disappeared from my side..i was laying on my moms floor watching tv on the phone with raquel and i get up go to my room come back 25 seconds later and its gone aaaaaaah. im going crazy im going thro every room in the house until i find it...uh so tomorrow is my little convention in the hallway in the morning with the girls..its gonna be interesting, then im gonna report back to angela and we're gonna find a cure for all of this gay shit.eh besides that im not looking foward to the first half of the day .. well its 10:05, and my parents and jiggles have been gone since 5...this is wrong.im going to go sleep b.c im lonley. xoxo<3 muAh
jordan
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| try and think of what your missing, try to look into my eyes...* |
[29 Jan 2004|03:40pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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starting line-cheek to cheek |
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i had a gooood day.woke up at 8, watched jo jo's circus,amazing and then magic school bus..got dressed went to the ortho., eh got my spacers back, feb.23 gettin my palet expander ooh joy, went to school middle of foods. fun class..then 4th,my spanish class kicks ass its me phil tammy jeff pat taylor mike simpson sara erin nick napolielo steve w. ..and uh some other guys..good class
i lost my cell phone in my own house so don't call it.
xoxo
jordan
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGAN!!! =( i miss you very much, no one ever makes me laugh as much as you do..only one that can cheer me up in .5 seconds..i love you and i miss you soooooo much!! xoxoxoxoxoox
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| i've been sleeping with the lights on so if i wake in the night, your picture is clearly in sight..* |
[25 Jan 2004|05:28pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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starting line-lasting impressions |
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im not going to let any of the little things bother me anymore.im gonna tell people how i feel and im going to do what i think is right, i don't care what other people are going to say about me or what i do..everything thats going on with the girls has just become bullshit, nobody besides the other person has a reason to be mad at someone, use your own minds and decide for youselves and stop following people.it's time to grow up and get over the little shit, because it's going to happen to all of us and your all fucking yourselves over by letting the little things bother you and ruin your friendships.
woke up early, went to the doctor..they're making me take 11 pills a day??hmm. i haven't hung out with anyone in 2 weeks b.c of my illnesses they have put me under house arrest, except for perri's house of course. no school tomorrow =) . im gunna start running again once the ice melts on the roads,that will make me much happier.
im happy im back to my optomistic ways, i hate being sad and depressed it so boring, but there still so much i need to say to people,and im not holding anything back now.and then once that is all finished and done with i think life is going to be much easier..this weeks gonna be good =)
xoxo
jordan
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| and you tell me thats its over, but im not understanding a word that you say, i had these dreams...* |
[24 Jan 2004|04:35pm] |
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confused |
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music |
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somthing corporate-hurricane |
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woke up early, went to work, found out that we're not going to new york next weekend which i think is better because i know i would've made a decision i would regret in the end. so i guess thats good.got done with work at 2:00.my brother picked me up,then we went somewhere.came home and tonight we are going to my grandma's house for her birthday =\ gay. tammy gave me her sickly disease on top of mine.eh. it snowed this morning it was a lovely sight to wake up to, and take a walk in.
i'm still thinking about the other shit me and ang talked about and she really does make a lot of sense. i like when she yells at me it makes me see what an idiot i can be. i think if she can get through me then she can get through the rest of the girls.hmm idk
...more later
"you don't do it on purpose but you make me shake."
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| you were the one i took for granted all those years* |
[23 Jan 2004|01:10pm] |
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mood |
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 guilty |
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who will i run too |
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took two easy finals today.theres a whole bunch of shit going on with the girls, i don't want any part in it
kaitlyn gave me a note today and i didn't get a chance to read it until i got on the bus and there was one part that .. made me really think and made me feel really bad, that i would make her feel that way..im really sorry.
i think another thing i realized last night was that i put way to much trust in people, but when i fuck up once, they don't believe another thing i say.
i've fucked up a lot of things lately.i really need to fix this.soon.
me and angela had a little talk and this is the outcome..she needs to get through to all the girls brains..so here we go..read it and comment
liL bisCotti xO: ohk so even though 8th grades over and ya kno ya cant go back i understand that and i kno w.e u wann do what every one else is doing, but i guarantee that no one likes cigarretes and the way they taste, and idk maybe u like the high of weed but everyone knows its gunna fuk u up eventually, and getting drunk wooohoo when ur 21 its not gunna matter once uve been drunk its over all u do is get worse off if u keep doing it go ahead kill ur friggen livers fine. but u all need to realize that its not YOU who wants to do it its other ppl who are a waste of the word life saying its cool and every one does it, well guess what NOT everyone does and im not just saying me im saying a shitload of ppl, u guys rnt friends anymore. ur not "the crew" youre not anything ur just a bunch of screwed up whores whos only purpose in life is to fight. im sorry i really am cauz u all were like family to me when we left that friggen building and it kills me to hear this knwoing i can do NOTHING to stop it. but when u all grow up and i do mean legally maturely as in age when u actually do GROW UP ur gunna see how lucky u coodve been wen u were younger to develop friendships with the same people ur intire life and instead of happy memories all ur gunna remember is regret and pain and stupid idiotic fights that tore you apart, someones gotta really get hurt or die or get pregnant for you to see it, and i cant wish it on you so i wont, but just kno jor thats all that u all are now. nothing more.
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| oh well you've got me under your spell, i don't think i can forget you now* |
[22 Jan 2004|01:36pm] |
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mood |
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gloomy |
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music |
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hold-std |
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uhh, today was simple i guess..1st period took my final and 2nd just watched finding nemo it was fun, matt n chris made fun of me and sam as usual..then on the way home .. phil guidone and chris cantelmo are sittin behind me and kelsey talking about the most random things and fighting about who's right. its funny, then guidone jumps over the seat and hits my head with his cd player..no once..not twice but three times..thanks john..then phil ran down the street with his pants and his boxers at his knee's..disturbing sight.came home and went to sleep...i guess me and chris made up because when i came on he imed me normally ..idk..
-uh, im still awaiting my pictures that perri's friend joe was suppose to put up here soooo..hm
-i didn't see kaitlyn very much today.she has a "doctor" appointment today =( my poor mentally disturbed friend i love you
+++earth science is OVER
-haven't talked to travis is weeks
+today is nick napolieo's birthday =) heh.
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| one look in your eyes made it hard to say goodbye |
[20 Jan 2004|05:14pm] |
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music |
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finch-stay with me |
] |
wow.today was deff. worth going to school...1st period i fought with my teacher because she woulnt let me go get my cough drops from my locker and i told her i was gonna puke on her floor if she didnt let me..after that statement i recieved a pass. uh 2nd...contained one of the highlights of my day..when we were talking about strong sperm and sam says "they must be like arnold swarzenegger strong sperm" ..funny funny..3rd we didn't do anything, 4th watched romeo and juliet and kevin told me he was going to rape me..scary thought..then me and kaitly stayed after to spend quality time together because we didnt have any weekend togetherness..so we walk into town and go to get pizza as usual...so we're sititn there eating are pizza and talking and she shakin the cheese all over her pizza and the whole thing just dumps out the top falls off and she has about a pound of cheese on her pizza, it was a one time thing, deff. a classic.i almost pissed myself right there..but i didnt..but then i did technically in the bathroom, when we got back to school me and tammy went to the bathroom and had a water fight, it was fun..uhhh ima be home all alone tongiht..waho.xoxo
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| if we help each other out along the way then maybe everything will be okay |
[19 Jan 2004|05:05pm] |
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mood |
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happpppy |
] |
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music |
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mxpx-for always |
] |
alriteeeey so today i woke up 10ish...went to sleep at 4:30 b.c i was up thinkin about shit...uh sat around until 230 then decided to go to perri's..we talked and exchanged stories from the weekend. awh it was so cute i cuddled with her dog..ooh man this is sad,i've resorted to animals now.hm i think this is a clue that i need a boyfriend.we'll see..then we went upstairs,and just hung out..uh came home and im trying to figure out the ring, because i still don't understand that movie......................hm,ima go watch it =) xoxo muAh
-jordan
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